Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
