I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
