DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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