I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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