Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
