I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I need to calm my uterus...
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize