That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize