do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize