WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
