My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
