i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Who put my cat in the fridge?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
