oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
