my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
