I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
