Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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