the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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