covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
