P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Randomize
