a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
