i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
