you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
