I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
