Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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