I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Hippo gnu deer
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
