The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
