Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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