Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.

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(863): View more from Florida

Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.

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(817): View more from Texas

he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.

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(309): View more from Illinois

I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.

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(713): View more from Texas

I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.

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(623): View more from Arizona

How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?

(1-623): View more from Arizona

You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.

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