Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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