he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
