and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
