He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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