I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
