I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
