So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
