I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
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