3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Who died my cat blue again?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
