I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
