buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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