She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
