I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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