He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize