It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
did i walk over a car last night?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
