OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
