what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
