So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
