Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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