After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
