she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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