Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize