my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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