i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
