Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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