but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
