Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
