I think my vagina is haunted
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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