She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
