He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
