so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
