I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
