I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Reggie can tackle my bush.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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