you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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